What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I am naked and annoyed.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
