first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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