i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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