I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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