Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i drank out of a bidet.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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