Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
