I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
