Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
