Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
