I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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