I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize