Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize