Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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