Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
