I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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