When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
