i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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