we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
