Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
