i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
