So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
