I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
