You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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