Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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