just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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