Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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