you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
