Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
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