Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
