Midget sex pt 2 tonight
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize