enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
