Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
