hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
