Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
