Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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