i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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