Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
