Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize