It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
