You were right. It hurts to walk today.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
