I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
