There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i drank out of a bidet.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
