We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
