you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize