Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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