Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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