hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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