i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
