i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
