I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
