Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
