If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
