he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
