i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
