Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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