I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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