we're chasing vodka with high fives
I seem to have left my pride at pride
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Bring me that man meat
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
