Got a toothbrush?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
