I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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