im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
where are my eyebrows?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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