I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
