she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
