No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Randomize
