i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
