I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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