I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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