I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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