my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize