Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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