oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
