11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
