Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
