Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
