After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
