My sheets look like a crime scene.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
