we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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