New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
